Yesterday I called my friend to tell her something important but, only when I hung up from her, I remembered that I didn't even tell her what I wanted to tell her. And this happens to me all the time. I go to a room in order to get something but, until I get to the room, I've already forgotten what it was that I wanted to take. What's happening to my memory? And what's going to happen in another month, or two, a year, 5 years? This is really scary.
I went to the doctor. I decided that I'm going to take care of my memory problem. But, instead of giving me a "wonder" pill that will restore my memory, he nodded his white head and said: "Look Mrs. Shemtov, you'll have to get used to this and stop fighting it. At middle age lots of things happen and also your memory is not as it used to be."
"So, …" I continued to ask, "…soon enough I won't remember myself?"
"Don't exaggerate", he comforted me,"It just won't be like it used to be."
Until five years ago I worked as an educational consultant. I had so many things on my head. Meetings with parents, children and colleagues, workshops to prepare and lots of other tasks and events. Everything ran smoothly, like a Swiss watch. I always knew where to go, when and with who. I ran from place to place and I had tons of energy. And today? I get tired much faster. It's not that I don't have energy, I do. I still run around, meet with people, but in the evening I collapse and all I want to do is sit like a zombie and stare at a flickering screen.
About two weeks ago, we were invited to our friend's birthday party at the beach. His wife hired somebody to do zoomba with us. I got really excited. I love to dance and jump around especially if there's good music in the background. So we danced and jumped, and sang to the music. It was so much fun. When the music stopped, One of our friends suggested to play the game "three sticks". "Great", I said, "I love that game". Where I grew up we used to play that all the time.
We got organized in a line. The kids that were with us were first and skipped easily over the sticks. When it was my turn, I took a deep breath and skipped just like I used to when I was a kid. But as soon as I landed, I felt like my knees collapsed. I slowly limped my way over to the chair, as I was trying to hide my physical weakness. 'How embarrassing" I thought to myself.
"Einat, are you coming? It's your turn."
"I'll skip it. I'm too hot."
So this is what's going to be from now on? I thought to myself when I got home. I still feel totally young. I want to conquer life. I want to travel, have fun, dance, and do lots of other things. My life isn't over yet, I still have lots of plans and dreams that I want to fulfill. Will my body keep signaling me until I give in? And what about my annoying hot flashes and dryness and all kinds of other annoying and unwanted symptoms? Should I give in to them? Should I change my lifestyle because of them?
Yes and no. I do not intend to really change my lifestyle. I suppose that I will stop jumping over the three sticks and I won't fulfill my dream of running a marathon. But I still wear mini dresses and jeans with tears. I still dance, have fun, joke around, dream and fulfill my dreams. I will never give those things up.
And my memory??? What exactly was I going to say????
Einat Lifshitz Shemtov, 59 years old, married, mother to two daughters, has a Masters in educational consulting. Treated students for years. In recent years writes books, records life stories and is a blogger. Travels all over the world, especially in the East and lives by her doctrine that accompanies her that women can accomplish and fulfill themselves at every age.